I’m working on an illustrated book!

Mar 8

“Every woman’s success should be an inspiration to another. We’re strongest when we cheer each other on”

— Serena Williams

Happy (belated) #IWD2021! I've started a new account @ma.inked.art where it’s #IWD everyday haha...I'll be exploring the journey of female martial artists and celebrating their accolades. 😊 This project started off as a secret Santa gift to a girl at my kendo club. I intended it to be a mini storybook/colouring book. I really enjoyed the process of creating the gift, so I decided to keep going with the series.

I've had women who lifted me up when I doubted myself. Rivals that fought hard against me in shiai (fights)but were supportive friends outside the dojo. I barely made it on the Candian team in 2009, but my kendo grew so much because I had the greatest team and coach. We trained and cried together. I felt safe and loved. I had one of the best world debuts I could have dreamed of, beating the Captain of Korea. I've also experienced people who tore me down every chance they got. Started rumors that I dropped out of University or I was with this person or that. I had a “friend” say to me that she wished I was hurting right before I went out to finals. I had to suck those tears back into my eyeballs before going out. When I won the girl said “well, I’m sorry but you were fine anyways”...I was not, I won but felt deeply depressed. Shortly after I completed my responsibilities at the 2015 World Kendo Championships, I quit kendo and almost didn’t try out for the 2018 team. I had girls loudly announce parties I wasn’t invited to in the change room apparently just so that I could hear (one of them apologized to me years later haha). I’ve run seminars for women where someone made it a point to question all my instructions even though they were capable of keeping up. These women left a mark on me and made me who I am today. I’m not saying the people who hurt me are bad people, I probably could have made more of an effort to be approachable and understand their circumstances...and I don’t think my experiences are unique. I’m sharing this because no matter how strong you are, support or lack thereof from the community makes a big difference. I’m showing the dichotomy of what happens when women come together vs. tear each other apart. In 2009 I achieved what was impossible if I had trained alone, and my experiences in 2015 drained me of all my fire, passion, and will. Female empowerment doesn’t rest solely on the shoulders of women, but we should bear the responsibility of how we treat each other. One step forward for one is a step forward for all.

What does it mean to fight like a girl? It’s understanding yourself and amplifying your talents. Drawing and researching other women is my way of fighting like a girl. It might mean putting your pride away and using a male ally to voice your idea so that you can see it come to life. It’s understanding the rules, abiding by them, crushing the moving goalposts, and finally, hopefully, that leads to the opportunity to create your own rules.

Things in kendo are moving in the right direction, but I think my negative experiences have been weighing me down lately in a manner where I can’t move forward in life (lockdown makes one really introspective...heh). Opportunities are coming up, but I am just so tired you know? It’s like I was swimming and thrashing in an ocean for the past two decades, trying to make my mark, and now that I’ve made it to the shore I just want to lie there. I’m not ready nor do I want to face the next hurdle. I’m not belittling the hardships that men face in sport, but I am merely exploring the stories of women because I can resonate with those experiences and learn from them. This illustration project allows me to let go and feel less alone because many women in martial arts/sports have gone through the same obstacles (or bigger obstacles!). I hope by sharing these stories, someone else can find comfort and inspiration as well.

I have this incredible weight and pain that won’t lift. By learning about other people’s struggles and triumphs I hope I can learn to understand that some of what I experienced wasn’t entirely my fault, but perhaps part of a larger issue. I’m not one to make excuses for myself, but I think it’s time I look at the bigger picture.

Phew...Well...if you made it this far and want to read more epically long posts in IG, then follow @ma.inked.art ...expect drawings and stories packaged in an explosion of poorly written text haha…if this content sounds whiney, heavy, and isn’t your cup of tea, no worries!... Be kind all ...exercise that thumb and give my drawings on @ma.inked.art some hearts, please <3... haha…I may or may not post some personal stories on that account as well.